


Ecology of L-space

by palanotar (telemachus)



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: .303 bookworm, Ecology, Gen, L-space, Unintended Consequences, original fictional species
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 00:10:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1760373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telemachus/pseuds/palanotar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Librarian experiments with biological pest control...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ecology of L-space

The Librarian finished dusting the shelves of minor magical pamphlets and returned to his desk to find Rincewind and one of the students manhandling with some difficulty a large sealed crate.  
Rincewind, noticing him,stood up smiling. "Ah, hello there! Here’s your banana supply for the week. All the way from Howondaland!"

With a simple "Ook" of thanks, the Librarian apehandled the crate with ease over to his nest area, where had a crowbar for just this purpose (1). Shortly after Rincewind and the student had left the Librarian was settled in among his blankets with a good book (2) and a defensive moat of banana skins.

Unnoticed, a small grublike worm crept out of the crate, and scurried quickly to the shelter of the bookshelves, where, due to the high thaumic radiations of the books, it began to rapidly evolve. In particular, it began to evolve rapidity.

 

  
The Librarian realised he had a problem when he took down a minor treatise on comparitive pyromancy. There was a hole drilled right through, from front to back, roughly circular and about a third of an inch in diameter. Immediately fearing the worst, he carefully checked several other volumes on the same shelf. All bore the same characteristic damage of the .303 bookworm. The Librarian had not got to the rank he was in the secret society of librarians without being able to recognise the symptoms. What to do about it? That was the question. Some authorities recommended a thorough application of insecticide in such circumstances, but the Librarian's simian soul revolted at the thought of such poisons (3). Ooking softly to himself in some emotional turmoil at the damage, he ambulated over to another set of shelves and picked up a copy of Cook's _Biblica Botanica_. After some perusal, he replaced the book and went in search of Modo, the Unseen University gardener.

After some tricky negotiations involving promises of future supplies of banana skins for Modo's compost, the Librarian returned, bearing a pot bound specimen of Astoria fly trap (4). He cleared some space on one of the afflicted shelves and carefully positioned the plant to catch the bookworm. He was uneasy about this, as not being a book or a scroll or anything else containing words, he felt the Astoria fly trap didn't really belong on a bookshelf. So he decided to call the plant Alex (5) to make himself feel better, and went back to his bananas to await results.

 

  
At first when, with a surprising sharp snap, Alex caught a .303 bookworm, the Librarian was pleased. After Alex had caught several of them but books continued to be damaged, the Librarian decided he needed to take further action to deal with the infestation. A more dynamic solution was needed. Something that could actively chase and catch the bookworms. After an afternoon spent reading through Cover’s _Introduction to Entomology_ , Humptulip’s _Howe to Kille Insects_ , and Philo’s _Bestiary_ , the Librarian felt he had the answer. It took him some time to obtain some Hersheban Flat Lizards, but Ankh-Morpork was not called the city of one thousand surprises for nothing, and everything could be found for a price (6).

 

 

Although the Flat Lizards did catch the .303 bookworms, or at least chase them into the wilder reaches of L-space, their evolving use of octarine coloured throat signals interfered with the denatured octiron of the research section shelves, and also gave the Librarian a headache.

 

 

The Faster Roadrunner birds from the Nef desert that the Librarian introduced to control the excess population of Hersheban Flat Lizards also ate some of the .303 bookworms. Unfortunately they also were rather partial to peanuts and bananas, a fact that Paragore’s _De arte venandi cum avibus_ had inexplicably failed to mention.

 

 

It was around this time that Alex the Astoria fly trap developed leg-like root appendages, and began to explore the library. This was unnoticed except by Raleigh Fawcett, an explorer who had been lost in L-Space for some years and was only just nearing civilisation again. Unfortunately due to the fact that Alex had now grown to a quite remarkable size, Fawcett never got any nearer.

 

 

After the Mellow Puzumas (7) started to hunt students as well as the roadrunners, the Librarian realized that things were getting out of hand (8). Rounding up Rincewind to act as a translator, it was with a heavy heart that the Librarian sought out Archchancellor Ridcully to confess.

“Yes, what is it man? (9)”

“Ook. Oook, ook ook.”

“He says there is a bit of a problem in the library, Archchancellor.”

“Not the Octavo again is it?”

“OOOK! Ook ook!”

“No, nothing like that. Nothing like that at all! It seems that there are several Puzumas on the loose. He doesn’t seem to want to say how they got there.”

“Puzumas! Excellent news! Good man that ape. I’ll just get my crossbow.”

  


(1) Although it also came in useful for opening crates of books on occasions.

(2) Bedtime stories for young readers.

(3) Besides, he didn't trust some of the wilder rogue tomes in the UU library not to use them to start their own chemical weapons program.

(4) Named after the Ephebian goddess of love, for reasons that have never been entirely clear.

(5) From the Ephebian _a-lex_ , meaning not-word.

(6) As the Bursar was nominally in charge of Unseen University finances, getting unusual expenses approved required either luck or patience.

(7) Like the Ambiguous Puzuma, but a bit calmer. Still extremely fast, but not suicidally so.

(8) Or foot.

(9) The Librarian decided under the circumstances to let this slur pass for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone know how to include proper Pratchett style footnotes on AO3? I can't seem to work it out, perhaps it isn't possible.


End file.
